Yesterday was the first day of the new year. I can write all about my hopes and dreams for 2021 but instead, I want to focus on what a year 2020 was!! We had and still have Covid, the build up to Brexit, (where we have now officially left Europe), the ‘live’ murder of George Floyd… where we have talked, dissected and tried to reassemble without satisfaction.
But not all has been bad. The key things for me during this year has been settling into a new home; doing various courses online via Zoom and Blue Jeans; having an essay accepted and included in an online anthology. Although I’m entering a later phase in my life, I cannot help but think that this is just the beginning…. It’s a bit of dilemma because how can things ‘begin’ to happen when we’re told constantly of how life ‘will never be the same again?’ How will the ‘new normal’ will appear? I’ve decided not to dwell on this as each time I think about it, I get into a loop where I cannot remove myself from so it’s best to leave it.
But I do however, want to focus on making sure that 2021 will be the year of completion and forgiveness. To finish writing my memoir – which has been going on, ever since! To repair certain relationships, especially within the family. I was not speaking to one of my siblings for an entire year, it is only just last month that we decided to speak to one another. I believe this was due to people we knew within the community, who have died. It had effect on me, knowing and growing up with these people – arguing with them, ignoring them, and then eventually embracing them years later. But I was shocked and moved on receiving WhatsApp photographs of these people which carried no comment, name, or caption but I automatically knew what it meant. Just before the lockdown, I was able to to travel to London, to attend the funeral of one of these people. The simple lesson from this is – life is too short to be holding on to tantrums and grudges!
But there have also been people who I thought were friends and for whatever reason, no longer see me or want me as a friend. I dug deep within to figure what I had done wrong . Years ago, I would have been disheartened at this but now, I don’t feel any offence and look at the experience as a form of ‘shedding’, i.e, removing those who no longer serve any purpose, perhaps. But what is interesting, these ‘friends’ have been replaced with people who have come into my life who are interested, who care: school mates who I have not seen for years suddenly turning up. The same applies to a friend I met years ago but unfortunately lost her contact details. Just last week, after Christmas day she called, telling me that she ‘hunted’ me down and was determined to make contact with me. I was so pleased. This also means on my own part, to respect and nurture these friendships and not take them for granted.
I really hope and want 2021 to be positive not just for myself but for all. To be able to realise our dreams, to achieve our goals and to be okay with ourselves and realise, we can only do what we can do, without beating ourselves up when we’re disappointed. I raise my glass to you all and pray that all will be well.
Happy New Year to you All.